Publishing is a finicky business.
A long time ago, I told myself that I should get into blogging. I have actually tried the whole blogging thing numerous times. I finally have come to a conclusion…I either need to stick with it, or give it up entirely. So this is me trying to stick with it. Despite my inability to keep myself occupied by one single thing continuously, I have seen myself manifest into a many different things over the past couple of years: owner, founder, buyer, seller, stylist, city girl and more often then not…emotional basket case. Sometimes it’s all those things. Sometimes it’s just one of those things. I realized after gathering people together to contribute to the still running RVGE magazine, that I should harness all those things in one media format…just to make my life easier. And then the styling thing happened…
It was innocent enough. Dinner with some girlfriends of whom I have known for a many number of years. I hadn’t seen them since I had moved out of the city, and they were eager to know what was up. It was one of those moments where your friends realize they haven’t spoken to you in eons, and you suddenly have transformed into a new version of yourself – someone they almost lost touch with. I had a lot happening to me at that time. I had just moved, and was suffering from what can only be described as lonely depression. It was great being away from my home town…in fact, I should of moved away sooner. But there was this moment of me floating, and not knowing where I was going. I didn’t know anyone and I was finding myself taking the sub way on my days off to feel like I was going out and doing something. Grocery shopping was considered going out. Bars were foreign lands to me, full of people I didn’t want to meet because I had lost all social skills. Because I am a wall of emotions and don’t like talking about what I am feeling right away, I steered the conversation towards how I felt like creatively: drawn, blank and directionless. “You should put out ads for styling! Like…a stylist ad!”. Despite what people who know me may think, I doubt myself half of the time. And thinking people would reply to a stylist ad was ridiculous to me. I’m not Rachel Zoe. I can put an outfit together sure…and I guess I like to dress people. Ragemarket had given me that chance over the past three years. But I was done dabbling in vintage, and I no longer commanded photo shoots as often due to my change of scenery. But she was so insistent. And the more she insisted the less I thought she was crazy.
You know when people that know you very well make a suggestion, and it sticks with you? That’s what happened to me…her idea stuck. I slept on the couch at my Mother’s that night, awake and completely un able to shake the anxiousness. What if she was right? What if I post an ad…or ask around if people want a stylist? What if…Here’s the most valuable thing I have learned so far in my life: if you don’t try it you will never know, and if you never know, you will go the rest of your life wondering. And wondering is so much more of a waste than doing. So…I did it. And two months later I found myself styling a shoot for a Toronto photographer. And our shoot getting featured in a fashion zine based out of the UK. Who knew? No one. That’s why I just had to go for it.